Premature Conclusions 8/25/05

Apologies for the lapse in postings to those who might drop by this site from time to time (both of you). You've been left with Matt Schaub giving you that dirty look for far too long. But I'm back from vacation now (insert band camp joke here), and ready to drop some knowledge, or at least some speculation.

Through the wonders of TiVo, I've been able to catch both of the Lions' preseason games thus far, and form some opinions. After the loss to Cleveland on Saturday, I think I might have some small appreciation for how Sparty may have felt last fall. Manning to Harrison 2003 = Frye to Edwards 2008. You heard it here first. Anyway, on to some inaccurate season predictions based on limited information. Oh boy oh boy!

• Mike Williams will be seen on a number of occasions dragging would-be tacklers for a whole lot of extra yards. Like William Carr, but with speed, and height. And he's not as fat. And doesn't play defense like Carr did. But otherwise, the same.
• Our secondary is beginning to resemble the Green Bay Packers of two years ago: really long dreads. How long are R.W.'s? Let's put it this way: you can't tell what number he is wearing if you are looking at him from behind. Chris Cash has apparently never cut his hair since becoming a Lion either. As far as I'm concerned, this is a cool trend. Sprinting with dreads flailing behind you makes you look really fast. It's like when you would draw somebody in grade school with horizontal lines behind them. It implies swift motion. (By the way, I can't wait until this trend starts extending to white guys. Imagine Cory Schlesinger sporting a hairdo like Adam Duritz or the twins from the Matrix!)
• Speaking of McQuarters, he is going to prove to be an invaluable pickup; and by invaluable, I mean really valuable. He'll be able to step in for Eddie Drummond when he eventually goes down with injury. Hopefully, this won't be until week 12 or so, and after he has eight or nine touchdowns. He'll also be able to step in at one of the starting CB positions when Fernando Bryant goes on IR in week 2. Fernando will make the mistake of actually tackling a running back. A teammate will give him a congratulatory tap on the shoulder pads, and he will collapse in pain. While in the hospital he will lose 5 pounds, taking him down to 110.
• The linebacking position is definitely going to be a strength. When your depth is sufficient for Teddy Lehman to be a backup, you're in good shape.
• Scottie Vines has looked decent, and not just as a returner. He might have a future in the NFL after all. As a result, wave bye-bye to David Kircus.
• Howard Jackson will unfortunately not make the team. Luckily for him, there are other jobs out there. Emmanuel Lewis is looking for a stunt double.
• Finally, I'll go out on a limb a little here: Joey will not maintain his 93% completion rate for the rest of the season. Sorry, Jess.